I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
