This is not my ceiling
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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