Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
