I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
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It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
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make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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