wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
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just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
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Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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