She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
