New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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