Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
