fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
