he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
