Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
