After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
