Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
