youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
please come you make the beer taste better
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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