Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
