I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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