Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
