I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
