no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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