The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
