After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
