Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
