I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
