....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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