You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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