1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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