____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Never let your siblings swipe right.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
