Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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