Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
