i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I met the friendliest cop last night
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
