i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
