We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
