you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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