Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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