Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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