You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
