bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
