I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
