In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Found the puke drawer
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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