He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
