She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i came on her dog
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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