3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
