We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
