K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
