I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
