apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
