last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
