I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
