look no pants
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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