I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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