$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
