She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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