I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
