Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
