Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
