god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Randomize
