Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
