hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
