did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
