Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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