Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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