After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
