census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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