Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
