I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
