I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
